Let me start by introducing myself, I am a recovering bitter single woman. I am recovering from the state of bitterness I was in( I see your reaction, you think I am one of those but I beg you not to be so quick to judge). I was a bitter single woman not because I could not find a man but because I realised that I was not ready to fearlessly love another. I am choosing to be very open because a lot of us girls love too much and we do not know what to do with ourselves. I was bitter because I realised it is me who needs help and it took me so long to figure out… so I am here single and recovering from my bitterness. By now, you are thinking she is probably going to review a book on how to make a man fall in love or one of the cosmopolitan columns. My book of choice is women who love too much by Robin Norwood.
Journey on how I got the book in my hand:
I walked into exclusive books to get one of the usual books I read about becoming a better employee, leader and all that crap that makes me socially acceptable because a woman who purses love openly is unambitious. On this day, I made a decision to feed my love life and openly accept that my need for love is equivalent to my need to get the corner office and none has to suffer for the other.
The book is full of stories about different woman who ‘failed’ in love, they have nothing in common when you look at them at face value but they have a dating pattern that mirrors their childhood. I could relate to some of the women and I could see my friends in some.
The women whose stories are in the book are daughters of alcoholics, abusive parents, diseased parents, absent parents, critical parents, over invested parents, single parents and parentless homes etc. I did not relate to every woman’s story (damn I would need help if I did) but every story helped me understand others better.
In a few words, a woman who loves too much gives off herself too early, she gives her time, money and self-worth as a way to make a man fall in love. She drains herself and gets lost in the love game.
No parent is perfect: I do not need to explain this but what I can add to this is LEARN, UNLEARN AND LEARN!
We master unhealthy relationships: We do this because it is very comfortable, it is what we know but lets ask ourselves this, how do you grow when you stay in the same place? BREAK THE PATTERN HONEY!
Do not fall in love with potential: I will not try defining this for you but I will ask you a question, if you fall in love with potential, what are you doing with the person in front of you now? I hear most of my friends saying, “he has potential of being emotional with me, and love me the way I want blah blah blah.” Well guess what, THERE IS NO GUARANTEE POTENTIAL WILL MATERIALISE!
Being Selfless can be a form of manipulation: Women who love too much say they are selfless because they are constantly trying to fix their partners. What I realised is we are constantly fixing other people’s problems because we do not want to face your own demons. FIX YOURSELF!
You marry your father: this statement is not just a random cliché and it is not a good thing for most women. You marry your father unintentionally because the man you marry has familiar characteristics. The book revealed this to me in such a way that I was perplexed as to how I did not know this. It showed me that you are what you know and you need to find out what you know and how it is adding value to your life. Once you know this, you have won half the battle. UNDERSTAND YOURSELF!